I used to think I was a pretty decent artist. But having not touched pencil to paper for anything other than solving a math equation for the past year, I can safely say I no longer think this. Mulling it over now, I’m pretty sure I was never actually that good. Maybe above average just a tad, but not supremely talented, that’s for sure.
Forever and a day ago I used to doodle all the time. But I’m pretty much just digital these days. I decided to hook up my Wacom today and draw a few portraits in Photoshop. This is something I’ve yet to do and I thought it might be a nice skill to try to develop. After about 10 minutes, though, I got fed up. I just can’t get what I want on the canvas – not with a pen and tablet anyway. This was incredibly disheartening, I must say. But I set out to draw something, and I was not going to give up until I did. So I ended up grabbing a wrinkled old piece of card stock and a charcoal pencil and that up there is what I came up with after a few minutes of scribbling.
My worst failing as an artist, and quite possibly as a human being in general, is my lack of patience. I am terribly impatient when it comes to almost everything, but especially two things: (1) Traffic on the road and (2) Art and design. Oddly enough, art and design is what I went to school for. It’s what I wanted to do for a living. And yet it drives me mad more often than not, and I have less of a knack for it than I had thought. On the other hand, Math, which I had no interest in when I started my graphic design schooling, has, for the past year anyway, been the way I make my living and I have yet to lose my patience when dealing with any of the math students I work with. This, to me, is some kind of cruel irony. But I suppose it’s beside the point.
Maybe I’ve been relying too much on my left brain lately. I’m thinking maybe I need to find a way to strengthen my right brain, shake off the dust and cobwebs and fall in love with art again. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t shoved the arts away completely. But sometimes I wish it were as easy for me to draw or design something as it was for me to solve an algebraic equation.
I can’t believe I’ve gotten to the point where I actually love math. I used to be so normal . . . Well. More normal than that.
My creativity seems to come in spurts. I’m hoping this latest, albeit mediocre, drawing is that start of a new spurt wherein I can explore some of the medium I might have forgotten about. Who knows?